.jpg)
Eric's Podcast
Welcome to Eric's Podcast – a journey through faith, life, and the lessons that shape us. Join Eric as he shares personal stories, reflections, shares insights that inspire hope and encourages. Whether you're navigating life's challenges or seeking motivation this podcast offers a blend of authenticity, inspiration, and thought-provoking conversations.
New episodes drop every week! Don't forget to like, subscribe, and hit the notification bell to stay connected on this journey of faith and discovery. Let’s walk this path together.
Eric's Podcast
S2 #5 Adoption Journeys: Ana Maria Didio's Path From Infertility Struggles to Embracing Family and Cultural Heritage
Join us for an engaging conversation with Ana Maria Didio, an award-winning author and adoptive mother, who takes us through her remarkable journey from battling infertility to embracing the joys and challenges of adoption. Ana shares her profound insights on the emotional complexities that come with adopting a child, including the intricate layers of adoption-related trauma known as the primal wound. Her rich background in psychology and human resources gave her a unique lens through which to navigate these challenges, ultimately inspiring her to author children's books that delve into themes of adoption, foster care, and blending families. Alongside her adoption journey, Ana sprinkles in some humor as she reflects on her college basketball reunion, adding a heartwarming and nostalgic touch to our discussion.
We also explore the intricate adoption process, with Ana offering invaluable recommendations for prospective adoptive parents. She highlights the importance of preserving an adopted child's cultural heritage and language, emphasizing the role of education in reclaiming fluency, particularly in Spanish. As international adoption landscapes shift, Ana points out the potential of domestic alternatives like foster-to-adopt, and underscores the significance of professional guidance and community connections. Through personal anecdotes, Ana discusses the emotional process of blending her family, sharing candidly about the initial challenges and the joyful bonding experiences that followed. Looking to the future, Ana reveals her exciting transition to writing middle-grade books, such as "Grace's Right Time," aimed at sparking open conversations about adoption, identity, and belonging among young readers.
Eric's Podcast.
Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to another episode of the Eric's Podcast. I'm your host, eric, and today I am joined by Ana Maria Didio, who is an adapted mother and was inspired to write her memoir Love at the Border and an adaption adventure after her family journey to Mexico. Now her life adventure. Children's books features stories about adoption, foster care and stepchildren in all blended families. She is an award-winning author and loves this whole mission on adoption. Thank you for joining us. How are you doing today?
Speaker 1:I'm great. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2:So what we like to do at the beginning of the show is we like to ask was there anything that you found entertaining or funny that happened to you this past week?
Speaker 1:Funny or entertaining? Well, just a week ago I played basketball in college and we had our reunion. So I got to see a lot of my teammates and from when I played a million years ago and see how much the sport has changed. So that was really fun and entertaining, so I enjoyed it.
Speaker 2:Did you guys play a full game, or was it like, or is it like Porsche or?
Speaker 1:Well, you know, know, it's interesting. We used to play a full game and then over the years the uh alumni participants just have kind of drifted off and now no one wants to play a game, so we just go to the current varsity game and cheer and cheer. Oh, that's fun that's fun.
Speaker 2:I love that. Yeah, the last time I did a sport, I last time I did sports, it was ultimate frisbee and I did not stretch beforehand. I never needed to stretch, that was never an issue. And I'm playing with these 18 and 20 year olds and, uh, and I still gave it my all, like I still outpaced them, but boy did I have issues for a month in terms of soreness on in my legs and my knees. I was like, what is happening right now? Yeah, that like it's still right now. I still have an issue with my knee. I'm like, so I have to stretch it and it it's like good grief, eric, what's happening? So tell me a little bit about your story and passion for adoption and a little bit of the history for you and how you got into it.
Speaker 1:Well, let's see where to begin. When we were married, I knew that I had infertility issues, and so, after some years, actually, of treatments and intervention, we had a beautiful baby girl. But then adding to our family was not happening, was not possible, and so we began to look into adoption. We actually thought that adoption would be in our world the first time around, but then, once we started the treatments, then I did get pregnant, but then the second time was just not happening. So we looked into, we explored many avenues of adoption and ultimately decided on a path that led us to Mexico and we adopted a six-year-old girl from a shelter in Cuernavaca, mexico.
Speaker 2:What are different avenues? Because I, I, I don't know anything about it and I know that I'm not, there's not a lot of people that know a lot about it, but when you, I, I always thought that it was like there was you contact an agency and then they I don't know do their process or whatever, and you get to choose from three, three kids, or something like that well, I mean, you're, you're on sort of the right track.
Speaker 1:The the first thing that you know a family should decide is an international or domestic adoption. So international adoptions have really fallen off in the last, uh, you know, either 10 years or so, just due to the uh, the problems, not only political issues, but there's been a lot of a fraud in the process, where the children were declared orphans but then were not really orphans and uh, it was. So there's been a a lot of issues, but it was a decision that we made to go international after we had looked into a number of possibilities, even foster to adopt. As a matter of fact, foster to adopt is one of the, you know, creating a family today. So, family, you know, family adoption, foster children, so that's, that's what's what's happening today. So, uh, it was quite an adventure and I kept a journal and then, after I left the corporate world, I decided to take all those notes and write a memoir and think about the experience.
Speaker 1:But you know, what led to the children's books was really the message that I hope to convey, you know, with my books, because every adoption begins with trauma. I'm not sure how familiar you are with the process, but just thinking about an infant or a child being separated from the world they know or the mother that created them. That's in and of itself a form of trauma, known as the primal wound. So back to us and the experience of adopting our six-year-old daughter. To me, her behavior and her, you know, I thought everything would be so wonderful. She wanted a family, we wanted another child and she, you know, she cried and cried for months and at the time I just didn't realize all that she had lost.
Speaker 1:And so going back to this question, this concept of trauma made me want to research it and talk about that in a way that would be productive for other adoptive families, so that's why I decided to write the children's books.
Speaker 2:So in your profile description you mentioned you have a BA in psychology. Do you think that that helped you in trying to understand her processes and kind of what she's going through in a way?
Speaker 1:Yes, because my corporate career was in human resources and was sort of, I thought, sort of a natural outgrowth of some of my interest in psychology and human behavior. But it was really her behavior that was prompting me to look into this more. And this is some 20 years ago and the concept of adoption trauma, I think, was just beginning to be understood and written about. I've got my hands on that book called Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier. Those in the adoption community are familiar with it, but perhaps your listeners won't. But it explains the kinds of behavior adoptive families will see that is conveying that trauma and I was seeing that when I read the book read the book, you know a light bulb went off that this is the reason she was acting the way that she was acting. It was the trauma speaking to us and she just she needed time and understanding and compassion and, above all and compassion and, above all, knowledgeable parents that we knew where this was coming from.
Speaker 2:So my thought was that the best way to communicate this to other adoptive families would be through the children's books, yeah, and I can imagine that the children could also read them and understand more about what's going on within them. Also, because a lot of the times, kids, especially really young ones, don't fully know the emotion or what to, how to address whatever this bundle of emotions are. At least that's one of the, you know, for my three-year-old and now, well, the one-year-old can't talk yet. Once they can talk, it's a little bit easier. But, um, that's our three-year-old. We're having to do that all the time, in terms of being there with them but also trying to help them navigate through some of the emotions so they don't get all bundled up and then he doesn't know what to do and he starts to spiral. Right, did you? Did you notice, um, the spiraling effect that can happen?
Speaker 1:yes, here, yeah, and there were and there were certain triggers. And you know, you, you, you hit upon something very, very significant in that the children are having these thoughts and thinking you know, perhaps I'm being disloyal to my adoptive family there's, you know, fear of abandonment, fear of losing the love that you know is shown to them as an adoptive child. So they're leery In their minds, they're questioning why they're having all these thoughts. And that's again you hit upon something so important, because one of the things called how I Wonder when you Are, and it's about well, it's not about my daughter specifically, because she would kill me if I wrote any more about her. So she said no more writing TMI mom. So it's about a girl, carla, who was adopted from Columbia. And you know, these are the things that my daughter went through.
Speaker 1:So all of the books were inspired by our actual family events and she's asking you know, where did I come from? Who do I look like? What's my creation story? Why do I, you know, act the way they do? Why do I, you know, act the way they do? You know, with certain gestures? Or, you know, in my daughter's case and in the book, you know, we had a biological child and an adopted child, and there are so many times that people would say that my biological daughter, oh, she looks so much like you. Well, that's a sad thought for the adopted child that doesn't look like the family. So it's normal to wonder and ask all of these questions, and parents should sort of welcome it and take it as an opportunity to uh, to discuss adoption and and share as much of the birth story as possible.
Speaker 1:Um, so, as they know, as they know, or or, uh. So I'm a real advocate of, you know, open and honest communication and and telling the adoption story to a child, even before the concept excuse me of adoption is understood. So just begin with that story. Each child deserves to have his or her own story, you know, front and center in their lives, from the beginning.
Speaker 2:Do they, does the adoption agency? Do they give you that information?
Speaker 1:What do you mean about the birth?
Speaker 2:Yeah, like the birth, like the details around it.
Speaker 1:Well, we did not receive those any details.
Speaker 1:So but, she had spent six, almost almost seven, six years in an orphanage, and and when you say that word they also use the term shelter. But when you say those words perhaps certain things come to mind. But that was not the case. I mean, we did visit the, the shelter, and it was a very loving and wonderful environment. The women that cared for the children had just, you know, love in their hearts and really would do anything for them. It was sort of a double dose of trauma for my daughter and that she had become accustomed to this wonderful sort of that.
Speaker 1:It wasn't like you were rescuing her from a bad situation, kind of thing Exactly, but that's what people like to think about adoption that these children are so lucky. In fact, people told us many times oh, she's so lucky to have you, as you're such a great family, she's so lucky to have you, and I just really hate that phrase. I hate that thought about adoption, that children are lucky because she went to sleep in Mexico one evening and then the next night she was in suburban, you know, suburban Philadelphia, and in a whole new house and family not knowing a word of English. So it's often referred to, you know, as the myth of adoption, and this is something that we learn very well in the entertainment world. The orphans in the entertainment world are saved by these aunts or uncles or other adoptive families and there's no recognition of this trauma that is present in their lives for many years.
Speaker 2:So I guess my question is would you, with such an opening and nice environment or orphanage, would you suggest it would be better to go to a adopt from a place that is not so nice? Just out of curiosity.
Speaker 1:Well, the circumstances for international adoptions now are, so you know, unique and different and change, so you know.
Speaker 1:so many countries have just shut down those opportunities okay, so it's harder is what you're saying, oh but but the concept of adoption and the trauma that I'm talking about exists, whether it's, you know, from bad circumstances to you know, even a family adoption is traumatic because of that genetic connection, that family connection is still there. But questions need to be answered and children deserve to know what, what their circumstances are you mentioned before that you had worked in corporate.
Speaker 2:Were you guys? Were you doing all of this at the same time as you were working? What? Writing the books? You mean?
Speaker 1:no, um, joining through the adoption process oh yeah, yes, yes, that was because my um, my the, the. They're only a year apart, but they were two years apart in school. So when we were looking to have a child and then we were successful and had our baby girl, then when it was clear that we were not able to have another child, that we were not able to have another child, that took a while, and researching the infertility treatments took some time, and then researching what possibilities existed for adoption. So by then our daughter was six, seven years old, so we thought the time for an infant was sort of passed us by. So we got into what were opportunities for adopting an older child. And that's when, it just so happened, I saw an article about children from Mexico coming from a summer camp locally and the article stated that the children were eligible for adoption.
Speaker 1:So you could see by the photo that they were very similar to our daughter's age, so that we looked into it and that was, uh, that was that what led you to go over to mexico, and that's what inspired love at the border yes that's cool.
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, what, particularly in that journey to really, you know, get to know a little bit about the country and we've been back many times, so I think that's also part two of this question. I knew that this, you know, in meeting the women who were the director of the shelter and the caregivers there. It was such a unique experience and they cared so much about the children it really prompted me to write about it. So I kept a journal and then through the years, once the adoption happened, I continued with the journal and it wasn't until I left the corporate world that I decided to really put the time in to write it. But the three trips to Mexico convinced me that her culture and her heritage was so important and we were kind of determined to keep that as part of her life that as part of her life and initially, of course, when we returned from Mexico, she lost her Spanish and that was always something that she wanted, that she was sad about.
Speaker 1:So we began we did hire you know tutors and try to encourage her to learn Spanish again, but it wasn't until she had some that it was in the curriculum in middle school. So middle school started you know Spanish instruction again at her elementary school and it just started coming back to her.
Speaker 2:And it just started coming back to her. And then, by high school and, of course, college, she was, with her determination, she reclaimed Spanish and she's fluent and she uses it in her career. So, going back to the not the process, but after the adoption, after everything happened, your first year, and you realize the emotional trauma that was in the middle of happening and he is, he said, sick. Yeah, so that's a lot to that's a lot for her to unpack. Um, but you mentioned, you mentioned the different processes and how, uh, you mentioned international is harder now, is that right?
Speaker 1:If a family was thinking of adoption stories, you know I've discovered that that families come to that decision through many different paths, so it would be kind of difficult for me to recommend. It really depends, you know, on the family and and their current. Do they have children already? What ages are they and what are their resources? Adoption is very expensive. There are agencies that do. You can apply for grants to help with the process, but it certainly hasn't gotten any easier over the years. For instance, I know the requirements in Mexico now are quite different and there is a residency requirement and I'm not quite sure the length of time.
Speaker 1:But you really have to make a commitment to be here and getting to know the child through a period of time. And I also mentioned many countries are now closed, so it has become more restrictive and, uh, you know, the domestic opportunities the foster to adopt situations have become uh more prevalent in the U S.
Speaker 2:What would you say to a couple that has two kids and are looking to adopt? What would you say to them? Well, let's take my own, for example. I have a one-year-old daughter and a three-year-old son.
Speaker 1:What would we want to be thinking about. Well, you'd want to be thinking about Not knowing anything.
Speaker 1:Not knowing anything. So, yeah, my best answer is really to connect with professionals. There are so many adoption agencies out there that have coaches and therapists and counselors that can really guide a family to the decision that's appropriate for them and involve even though your children are very young, involve them and make the best decision overall. And really what is your family situation, your parenting styles? There's so many things that come into play. But connecting with professionals and then another thing I recommend is really networking with other adoptive families. So seeing how adoption has played out in perhaps families in your local neighborhood or church or professional group or whatever, there's always a chance to connect with these folks.
Speaker 2:There's always a chance to connect with these folks and, whether that be a single parent or a two-parent family, just see how they've adapted, what decisions they made. I found that very helpful. Speaking of the kids, how did your own daughter take it over the years? Because I imagine it would be somewhat of a little bit of an emotional ride for her, also in her own experience.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, great, great question. Because she had been an only child for eight, almost eight years, and so she had a couple of the you you know breakdown moments where she, tearfully would come to me. She's getting all the attention because everything was focused on this little, this little kid who couldn't speak english and needed to learn how to eat in the us and live in a house. And you know, she, everything was so, so different for her and, as I said, we really didn't take the time to process how big of a change that was. But gradually we lived in a very small community that was super supportive. She bonded, connected very well.
Speaker 1:I don't know if they call it ESL anymore, but her English teacher, her English language English as a second language teacher at school. They formed a great relationship. That woman helped her through many, many grades and tests and, as I said, the community was small and she made friends. She was she's such an outgoing and social kid. She made friends, and so every situation's different and the resources needed are different, but, uh, keeping in touch with other adoptive families and keeping those professionals close at hand is is a very wise move.
Speaker 2:How long did it take everybody to kind of adjust after that first year and the roller coaster that everybody went on?
Speaker 1:I know it's different for everybody, but it was really a process because as she grew you know her questions and her challenges, you know changed questions and her challenges, you know changed and as she understood kind of the enormity of of you know what was happening, I think, in the beginning, well, it took, it took really many, many weeks. She always, I think she for a while she thought she was going to be returning to Mexico and when that wasn't happening, it was just a very gradual process and there would be, you know, two steps forward, 10 steps back, and that kind of thing.
Speaker 2:How do you it's not really a backspace, but going back to those questions of you know a long time thing that she would have, she would return back to mexico. How did you, as a parent, actually address those to ensure her that, no, you're not. No, you're not, because I know with my three-year-old he'll get into this thing where he'll tell himself the answer, even though we are there telling him something else, but he'll he's telling himself the same thing. They, you know the answer, like I'll never be able to do this, and it's like no, that's not, that's you'll be able to do it. Look, just keep trying, we'll figure it out. How did you, uh, how did you as a parent, address that? All those different?
Speaker 1:times. Well, initially we we had some very supportive words from the women that helped to raise her at the shelter, at the orphanage. So we had some phone calls with them and they, you know, affirmed their love and support but that she would be living with us and it was really a matter of trying to establish consistency as a family. We did things together. You know, on my website I have a couple resources for things that we turn to in our time and that was there's a.
Speaker 1:I have a fun sheet, an affirmation sheet, which is kids taking the opportunity to, you know, affirm positivity and love and love and and uh. So that's a it, uh, it's kind of a. It's a list of positive affirmations for kids and then they can write their own and draw their own, and so that that's on my website website, if you sign up for my newsletter, and we also did things together there. There are recipes also on the website. We took the time to do fun things together and, you know, not just vacations, but you know baking and it was always important to have dinner together. So we tried to just maintain a consistent family presence and the girls support each other in terms of they both took ballet lessons and they went to the same school for a number of years and then went to different high schools. But the community, as I mentioned, was very supportive and we were very involved in the community.
Speaker 2:Okay. So what does the future hold for you and your family? Now, going forward, are you going to write more books or you have some more ideas?
Speaker 1:Yes, I've transitioned to middle grade books. So now I'm writing a series about a girl who is very book smart but has trouble making friends very book smart but has trouble making friends and she meets a boy named Andy and he's adopted and he wants to have. Her name is Grace and he wants Grace to help him find his birth mother. So he was adopted in secret, which is a parent's prerogative to have a private or a private adoption. But he wants answers.
Speaker 1:So I thought it would be better to tell a story and perhaps again these thoughts that kids have questioning their adoption story, where they came from, who they look like, and by the book is for age eight to 12. And so, by that point, if they're articulating these questions, these books are really an invitation for parents to open the conversation. That's really what the three children's books they're age four to eight and that's really what those children's books are about. And they're all inspired by our, our actual family events. But I'm writing this new series about grace and uh I. I launched the first one in uh October and then the next couple of ones will be coming out in the spring.
Speaker 2:What's the name of the series?
Speaker 1:The well this will be a blended series the first the book. The first book in this blended family series is called grace's right time, but w-r-i-t-e right. So she likes to write in her journal and her uh she. She likes to write letters to understand what's happening to her and her family.
Speaker 2:And what is the main takeaway that the viewers should take from this episode?
Speaker 1:The understanding that adoption begins with trauma, but it's something that, if parents are aware and can engage children around, the discussion be as open as possible and it's my hope that, all realizing this, that blended families will thrive and grow in love.
Speaker 2:And also to not be afraid to adopt because of the trauma right. Like that shouldn't stop you that there is a way to navigate through it.
Speaker 1:Yes, and my information. All this information can be found on my website and that's amdiocom, that's A-M-D-I-D-I-Ocom. In fact, one of my books is a read-aloud experience on the website. So if you want to try that out and see one of my children's books the one I mentioned, how I Wonder when you Are, that's read by Snuggle Stories and has a little animation and some music and it's on my website.
Speaker 2:Awesome my newsletter. Anna Maria, thank you so much for joining us. This was a great episode. Hopefully we'll get you back on when your series is finished. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1:All right. Thank you for having me.
